August 11, 2022

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Working off on the typewriter …

Throughout a dialog earlier this week with Orlando Magic tremendous fan Dennis Salvagio — aka “The Fats Man” — this unbelievable thought popped into my head:

As a result of Magic followers have endured a lot distress and malaise over the past decade, wouldn’t it’s nice if the staff honored them by sending a longtime, loyal supporter to symbolize them on the NBA Draft Lottery?

That’s proper, ship the Fats Man to Chicago and let him attempt his lottery luck on Could 17.

Nothing towards Jeff Weltman, the Magic’s president of basketball operations who represented the staff ultimately yr’s lottery, however coming house with the fifth and eighth choose in 2021 was fairly disappointing. Sorry, Jeff, however it’s essential to bench your self.

The Magic have had staff executives, gamers and coaches symbolize them on the draft lottery through the years, so why not a fan? Salvagio, a retired legal professional, put down his first deposit for season tickets in 1986 — three years earlier than the staff even began enjoying. And, after all, he has been entertaining fellow followers for many years along with his rousing, rollicking, dancing, prancing help of the staff.

The Fats Man as soon as was so adamant about making an attempt to steer Dwight Howard to remain in Orlando that he commissioned the assistance of the Down Brothers, a famend native rock band, to report a music video that Salvagio financed and starred in.

Who is aware of? Perhaps the Fats Man can resurrect the well-known lottery luck of Magic co-founder and staff govt Pat Williams, who miraculously helped Orlando win the draft lottery in 1992, 1993 and 2004 when the Magic received the rights to pick out Shaq, Penny and Dwight.

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The Fats Man and Williams have many similarities. They each are showmen, they each went to Wake Forest and so they each moved from Philadelphia to make Orlando their house.

What about it, Fats Man, do you suppose you may convey house the No. 1 total choose?

“You may depend on it,” the Fats Man says with out hesitation. “I’m a really fortunate man.”

Feels like a assure to me.

Overlook that outdated saying, “It ain’t over until the fats girl sings.”

When involves the Magic’s buzzard’s luck in current draft lotteries, it will likely be over when the Fats Man dances. …

Brief stuff: Talking of Orlando Magic draft picks, did you see what Mario Hezonja mentioned the opposite day to a information outlet in Russia the place he’s now enjoying professionally? “I’m not going to return to the NBA; I didn’t get the respect I deserved,” railed Hezonja, the Croatian who was drafted fifth total by Orlando in 2015 and rapidly confirmed everybody that the Magic had made a monumental mistake. Memo to Mario: In fact you’re not going to return to the NBA as a result of the NBA hasn’t invited you to return. You had been a bust, bear in mind? The NBA minimize you; you didn’t go away voluntarily! … Hugh Hathcock, a really rich Florida Gators booster, simply donated a report $12.6 million to UF’s athletic program. Hey, that’s nearly sufficient to repay Dan Mullen’s buyout! … Purpose No. 935 why I hate the Los Angeles Lakers: Good-guy coach Frank Vogel needed to discover out he was getting fired on Twitter reasonably than listening to it first from the staff’s president of basketball operations LeBron James. Within the days earlier than Twitter, the Magic prevented an analogous embarrassment when instantly after a televised sport between Orlando and Chicago in 1997, NBC’s league insider Peter Vecsey went on the post-game present and reported that Penny Hardaway and different Magic gamers had been orchestrating a revolt that might value Brian Hill his job. On his technique to the locker room after the sport, Hill was whisked right into a mop closet on the enviornment by former Magic basic supervisor John Gabriel, who briefed the coach on Vecsey’s report. Just a few days later, Hill was fired. …

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Are you able to consider Cam Newton really mentioned he needs girls to get again to cooking, being quiet and letting males lead? In associated information, Newton simply purchased his important different a brand new butter churn for her birthday. Has anyone knowledgeable Cam that it’s 2022, not 1952? … How a lot have purses grown in golf through the years? Right here’s all it’s essential to know: Over the past two months Ted Scott, the caddie of Masters champion Scottie Scheffler, has made virtually half as a lot as the nice Arnold Palmer received throughout his total golf profession. … I’m not saying I’m utterly uninspired by the kickoff of the brand new USFL season this weekend, however listed below are 5 issues I’d reasonably do than watch the New Jersey Generals play the Birmingham Stallions: (1) Learn my unsolicited mail. (2) Path behind my ex-wife at a clothes retailer. (3) Take the corporate’s necessary “Code of Enterprise Conduct and Ethics” on-line coaching course. (4) Learn the entire anthology of Mel Kiper Jr.’s biggest mock drafts. (5) Take a look at the numerous pictures from mates who Instagram their meals. … From Dwight Perry of the Seattle Instances: “MLB suspended Brewers catcher Pedro Severino after he examined constructive for clomiphene, a drug to deal with infertility — in girls. He’ll miss 80 video games, or properly into the season’s second trimester.”…

Stat of the week comes from Jon Heyman of the MLB Community: The Oakland A’s led the majors with the largest payroll ($33 million) in 1991. They’ve the identical payroll at present. … Along with some disgusting costs of sexual misconduct and harassment amongst staff executives, the NFL’s Washington Commanders now are being accused of withholding ticket income from visiting groups and refundable deposits from followers. Congratulations, Dan Snyder, you and your staff have received the Triple Crown for Creepiness. … Nick Canepa of the San Diego Union-Tribune, on the Browns making a commerce for QB Deshaun Watson regardless of 22 sexual-misconduct allegations towards him: “Appears Deshaun’s baggage received misplaced on its technique to Cleveland.” … Undecided I purchase the reviews that the Miami Dolphins had been thisclose to signing Tom Brady as quarterback and Sean Payton as the top coach solely to have the plan foiled by ex-coach Brian Flores’ racial discrimination lawsuit towards the staff. That may be like me saying, I used to be thisclose to successful the Pulitzer Prize till some dumb editor wrote a foul headline on my column. … There are solely three Kmarts left in your complete continental United States. Sigh. …

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Final phrase: With Thursday being Nationwide Ex-Partner Day, we convey you this from the late, nice Zsa Zsa Gabor: “I’m a fabulous housekeeper. Each time I go away a person, I hold his home.”

Electronic mail me at [email protected]. Hit me up on Twitter @BianchiWrites and take heed to my Open Mike radio present each weekday from 6 to 9:30 a.m. on FM 96.9, AM 740 and HD 101.1-2